Sexy Pocahontas. Slutty Jasmine. Kinky Tinker Bell. Whatever the hell this is…
When browsing through your typical popup Halloween costume store, it can be daunting to find something that doesn’t scream Disney whore. I’m all for dressing up, but there has to be a way to get into character without appropriating different cultures, looking like a racist fool, or serving as a two-dimensional, sexual object. For me, that means staying white for Halloween.
Here are some easy, last-minute, DIY costume ideas that won’t break the bank or compromise your dignity. Use what you already have in your closet this year, and you’ll have plenty of money left for punch bowls at the tiki bar.
You’ll Need: Ripped jeans, a band t-shirt, red lipstick, and tattoos.
Quote: “They say women can’t play guitar as well as men. I don’t play the guitar with my fucking vagina, so what difference does it make?”
Claire Underwood from House of Cards
You’ll Need: Pretty much anything tailored and grey. Bonus points if you can pull off a severe blonde pixie cut. Robin Wright mesmerizes with her performance as the ultimate female antihero. She’s a ruthless powerhouse and a master manipulator, effectively transcending the standard female sidekick in a political drama.
Quote: “I’m willing to let your child wither and die inside you if that’s what’s required.”
Evelyn Mulwray from Chinatown
For those of us with riding clothes we were ashamed to wear in public as teenagers, now’s the time to whip out those jodhpurs. Played by Faye Dunaway, Evelyn Mulwray is your classic film noir woman. She’s cool, confident, doesn’t take shit, and managed to stay sane despite all the effed-up, horrible things that happened to her. Paint on some thin eyebrows for the full effect.
Quote: “I don’t get tough with anyone, Mr. Gittes. My lawyer does.”
Bonnie Parker a la Bonnie and Clyde
You’ll Need: Grab a silk scarf, a mustard sweater, and a beret and you’re Bonnie Parker, another kickass character played by Faye Dunaway. Where legal, conceal a pistol in your Chanel tote to defend yourself against drunk bros dressed as Ray Rice.
Quote: “We rob banks.”
Rollergirl from Boogie Nights
If you’re like me and have some retro roller skates you can’t seem to wear anywhere, here’s your chance to lace up. Throw on some seventies gym shorts and heart-shaped sunglasses, and you’re good to go. I know you’re probably thinking, wait a minute, how can you be a porn star and a feminist at the same time? They exist. Don’t let your mind explode over it. Also, remember to drink and skate with caution.
Quote: “Amber, are you my mom? I’m gonna ask you, okay? And you say yes, okay? Amber, are you my mom?”
Simone de Beauvoir, Writer/Intellectual/Political Activist
You’ll Need: A long skirt, a black turtleneck, and a cigarette. Bonus points if you can do her signature up-do. To really own the look, have a superior intelligence, be an expert on existential philosophy, and don’t suffer fools gladly.
Quote: “Representation of the world, like the world itself, is the work of men; they describe it from their own point of view, which they confuse with absolute truth.”
Mrs. George from Mean Girls
You’ll Need: That old terry cloth Juicy jumpsuit you bought back in 2004. Bonus points for sporting a lazy eye and carrying around a tray of cocktails all night. She’s not just a regular mom—she’s a cool mom.
Quote: “Can I get you guys anything? Some snacks? A condom? Let me know!”
Margaret Schroeder from Boardwalk Empire
You’ll Need: A drop waist dress and an Irish accent. One of my all-time favorite characters, Margaret Schroeder (played by Kelly Macdonald), epitomizes the strength and perseverance of first wave feminists while reserving her own set of complex worldviews. She steals the spotlight on Boardwalk, along with my heart.
Quote: “Here’s an experiment for you. Think about the things you want in life, then picture yourself in a dress.”
Elizabeth Shaw from Prometheus
To Make: Grab some white underwear, splatter yourself with blood, run a few miles to get super sweaty, and you’re Noomi Rapace from the most intense scene in Prometheus. You might be scantily clad in this costume, but having just ripped an alien fetus out of your uterus, you definitely won’t be a sexual object. If you’re up for it, you can argue with conservative Republicans all night about why a woman deserves the right to abort an alien baby that’s bent on murdering her.
Quote: “We were wrong! We were SO wrong!”
You’ll Need: What you wear on the reg. Because I’m assuming we’re all feminists every day of the year and not just on Halloween, am I right?
Happy Halloween, everybody :)